Let's talk postpartum
Ah, postpartum. That wonderful, tiring, confusing, whirlwind of a time after your baby is born. All the focus seems to shift from your pregnant belly to that beautiful baby. Your baby is trying to adjust to life on the outside- learning so many new things, but mama, so are YOU.
We have this image of what we want our postpartum experience to look like. A perfectly dressed baby, washed hair, shaved legs, clean sheets, a fully stocked fridge, and a happy, helping, partner. At least that’s what our ideal vision of postpartum looked like. Little did I know, I would feel sore all over, exhausted, have leaky, achy breasts, a crying baby, a sleeping husband, and family who might not know how to best help me. I remember all too well the feelings of saddens, exhaustion, anger, and frustration. Then I would feel guilty for feeling sad and frustrated. Why do I feel like this when I have a healthy baby? Is this normal? Nobody warned me about baby blues or postpartum depression. Nobody talked to me about tips or things I can do to prepare myself for this whole, new, experience. Nobody told me after I had my baby I would be different person. Nobody really asked me how I was doing.
Did you know?
• 80% of women experience “baby blues”
• 20% of women experience postpartum depression
• This number is 1 in 3 for women of color vs. 1 in 5 for white women
• 10% of non-birthing parents experience postpartum depression
• 9% of women experience postpartum PTSD
What it looks like:
Women who experience baby blues often find themselves crying more easily, having mood swings, experiencing feelings of sadness without explanation, feeling irritable with your baby or partner, feeling anxious, and worrying. If you are experiencing the baby blues you should start to feel better around two weeks after delivery. Each day should be getting better and better. But what if it’s not?
Women who don’t feel better after (about) two weeks after delivery might be experiencing postpartum depression. Postpartum depression can easily go undiagnosed, especially in the U.S. where you typically don’t follow up with your provider until six weeks after delivery. How easy is it to fake being okay for a 15 minute doctor visit?! Most of the time these visits include a couple basic questions about nursing and bleeding. That’s it. There truly is a lapse of care in the U.S. for our new mothers. In today’s society, symptoms of postpartum depression can be passed off as “normal”. “Oh, it’s normal to feel exhausted, overwhelmed, sad, and lonely. that’s just motherhood!” “Oh that’s just your hormones evening out, it’ll pass in a few months.” Motherhood IS exhausting and even HARD, but constantly feeling overwhelmed, sad, and anxious is not how motherhood is supposed to be.
If you are experiencing postpartum depression you might find yourself: having trouble sleeping, feeling numb, finding little to no interest in your baby, not enjoying things you usually enjoy, fears of hurting yourself or your baby, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, or withdrawing. When men experience postpartum depression they typically withdraw. This could look like: working more, playing more video games, staying out late, and going out with friends more often.
Being familiar with the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression can help you and your family identify when it is time to reach out for help. Click here for an evaluation to see if help might be needed.
What’s your risk?
Your history matters. If you have a history of depression or anxiety, if you had or perceive you had a traumatic birth experience, or if you perceive nursing isn’t going well, you are more likely to experience postpartum depression.
What can I do to have an easier postpartum?
Our biggest piece of advice is to make a postpartum plan during your pregnancy. Who will help out with chores? Who could you call if you need something picked up? Do you have family willing to help cook or bring you meals? If you’re having a bad day, who do you feel comfortable talking to? Have you talked to your partner about how you would like them to support you? Have these conversations with your family and friends before the baby is born, this way, you’re more likely to reach out and they know how you want to be helped!
Never underestimate the power of clean sheets. Something as simple as having clean sheets can completely change the way you feel. This is something your partner or guests can help you with when they come see the baby. Have a basket by your bed stocked with a big water bottle and snacks so you don’t have to get up when nursing and have your partner fill it before they leave.
Have padsicles prepared in the fridge. Have a list of chores or a grocery list pinned to the fridge so guests can see what you need help with or need picked up. Having little things taken care of or prepared can often help how we feel overall.
Reach out to your local birth community. Do they have postpartum support meetings that you could attend? Any play-dates planned that interest you? Bella Birth Services offers monthly postpartum support groups in our community for new mothers. Having a safe space to talk, process, and eat a nourishing meal is very important in the healing process!
Find a good psychiatrist who specializes in the perinatal period / women’s mental health before you have your baby as well. This way, a lot of the work is done and you or your partner can easily call and make an appointment. There are medications safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding. You should not have to suffer just because you are a mama. One of my teachers and colleagues, Amanda Devereux, once said, “You are a mother, not a martyr”.
Do you live far away from family or friends? Consider hiring a postpartum doula! Postpartum doulas can ease the transition into parenthood (or the addition of another kiddo). Find out what the postpartum doulas in your area offer and meet with them during your pregnancy! Many postpartum doulas help with siblings, light household chores, meal prep, basic breastfeeding / bottle feeding guidance (and they know when an IBCLC is needed), setting up sitz baths, and caring for baby while you grab a shower or a quick nap! Having someone to vent to and have an adult conversation with can be a huge plus as well! Doulas are also a great bridge to other resources in the community and are trained to help you through this time.
And lastly…
Make the conscious choice to be gentle and kind to yourself and your partner. Your body just did something amazing! You grew your baby, grew an extra organ to nourish your baby, and then you brought your baby into the world! Your body and mind are going through some major changes that should not go unnoticed. While this is a beautiful experience, it can be hard on your body and it can be isolating. Making the choice to be kind and gentle, having a good postpartum plan in place, recognizing the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression, and asking for what you need can help you have a better postpartum.
To all new mothers: You are not alone. We hope you have a nourishing, restful, postpartum where you feel supported. It’s what you deserve.